Marriage is often described as a partnership, a union where two become one. But anyone who’s been married longer than a hot minute knows it’s also a dance—a complicated, sometimes clumsy waltz where one person leads, the other follows, and both learn to move together without stepping on too many toes.
Ephesians 5:22 calls wives to submit to their husbands, but before you roll your eyes or sigh in exasperation, let’s talk about what that really means. This isn’t about blind obedience or losing your identity. Submission, in its purest sense, is an act of trust, love, and teamwork. It’s about building a marriage where respect flows both ways, and love is the glue that holds everything together.
So, grab a cup of coffee (or tea, if you’re fancy), and let’s dive into what submission looks like in the home—and how it can bring joy, peace, and a stronger bond between you and your husband.
What Does Submission Even Mean?
The word submission gets a bad rap. It conjures images of a 1950s housewife vacuuming in pearls or someone giving up all their agency. But biblical submission isn’t about domination or oppression—it’s about cooperation.
Submission means recognizing your husband’s role as the leader of the family while offering your wisdom, support, and partnership. It’s like being the navigator on a road trip. He’s driving, but you’re reading the map, spotting the rest stops, and occasionally saying, “Hey, maybe we should take this shortcut.”
Cultural Perspectives on Submission
Different cultures have their own ways of understanding and practicing submission in marriage. Let’s take a quick world tour:
- Japan – Harmony Above All
In traditional Japanese households, the concept of wa (harmony) is central. Wives often focus on creating a peaceful home environment. This doesn’t mean they don’t have opinions—far from it. Behind the scenes, many Japanese wives are the family’s financial planners and decision-makers. Submission here looks like quiet strength and behind-the-scenes leadership. - India – The Sacred Bond
Indian culture often emphasizes the idea of a wife as her husband’s partner in spiritual growth. In Hindu traditions, a wife’s role is seen as vital in helping her husband fulfill his dharma (duty). Submission is rooted in mutual respect and shared purpose. - Africa – The Extended Family Dynamic
In many African cultures, submission isn’t just about the husband-wife relationship; it extends to the larger family unit. A wife might defer to her husband in family decisions but also plays a pivotal role in nurturing relationships and ensuring harmony within the extended family. - Western Views – Partnership and Balance
In modern Western cultures, submission is often reframed as mutual respect and shared leadership. Couples work together to balance responsibilities, with both partners contributing to decisions and household dynamics.
Submission in Action: Hypothetical Scenarios
Let’s bring this concept to life with a few scenarios:
Scenario 1: The Financial Decision
Imagine you and your husband are deciding whether to buy a new car. He thinks it’s time for an upgrade, but you’re hesitant because of the budget.
Submission doesn’t mean saying, “Sure, honey, whatever you want!” It might look like sitting down together, presenting your concerns calmly, and ultimately trusting his decision if you both can’t agree. You’re showing respect for his role while still making your perspective known.
Scenario 2: The Parenting Disagreement
Your teenager wants to go to a late-night party, and you and your husband have differing opinions. Submission might mean deferring to his final decision while continuing to support and reinforce it as a united front. At the same time, you discuss the reasoning behind the decision later, in private, as equal partners.
Scenario 3: Career Moves
You’re offered a job in another city, which could disrupt your family life. Submission here could mean discussing the pros and cons with your husband and genuinely considering his input, even if it means turning down an opportunity. Submission doesn’t mean sacrificing your dreams—it means finding a solution that works for both of you.
Reflective Questions for You
- How do you currently view submission in your marriage?
Reflect on whether it feels like a burden, a joy, or something in between. - What does trust look like in your relationship?
Is it easy or difficult for you to let your husband lead in certain areas? Why? - How can you show respect for your husband’s role as a leader?
Think about practical ways to affirm his efforts and decisions, even if you don’t always agree.
Submission and Mutuality: Don’t Forget the Men!
Let’s flip the coin for a moment. While Ephesians 5:22 calls wives to submit, Ephesians 5:25 is equally weighty for husbands: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
Men are called to lead with love, humility, and selflessness. Submission is a lot easier when you’re submitting to a man who puts your needs above his own, listens to your concerns, and leads with wisdom and grace.
Here’s a secret: when both partners live out their biblical roles, submission and love become a beautiful cycle. His love makes submission easier, and your submission encourages him to love more deeply.
The Foundation of Trust: Visualize It
Here’s how you might imagine an infographic:
- Title: The Pillars of Trust in Marriage
- Pillars:
- Respect: Acknowledge his role and his efforts.
- Communication: Share your thoughts and listen actively.
- Support: Stand by his decisions and work as a team.
3. Bridge: Trust connects submission and love, creating a strong foundation for the relationship.
Exercises for Building a Submissive Spirit
- Gratitude Journal:
Every day, write down one thing you appreciate about your husband. This helps cultivate a heart of gratitude and respect. - Weekly Check-Ins:
Set aside time each week to discuss how you’re both feeling about your roles in the marriage. Ask each other, “What can I do to support you better?” - Pray Together:
Submission and love become easier when you invite God into your marriage. Pray for wisdom, patience, and unity.
Final Thoughts: The Dance Goes On
Submission isn’t about losing yourself—it’s about finding a rhythm in marriage that works for both of you. It’s a choice you make out of love, trust, and the desire to create a home filled with peace and harmony.
So, lace up your dancing shoes, grab your partner’s hand, and step onto the dance floor. Sure, you might stumble now and then, but with patience, practice, and a whole lot of love, you’ll find your groove. And when you do, it’ll be a dance worth remembering.
